BAR
Man: Hi there.
Woman: (turns her back to man)
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: (no response)
Man: I like your shoulder tattoo.
Woman: That's a mole.
Man: I'll see myself out. (man downs the rest of his "Tequila Mockingbird")
BOOKSTORE
Man: Self help, eh?
Woman: (turns back to man)
Man: A can't imagine a woman as beautiful as you needing any "self help"...
Woman: (silence)
Man: I seem to have gotten lost. Do you know where the bodybuilding section is?
Woman: (annoyed sigh)
Man: Do you want to feel my muscle?
Woman: (death stare)
Man: I'll see myself out. (Man Rollerblades away)
Man: You can lean over me if you want to see out the window.
Man: Are you going to eat your peanuts?
Man: I'm a tad nippy, could I borrow some of your blanket?
Man: You know, what happens under the blanket STAYS under the blanket.
Man: I'll show myself out. (Man jumps out of plane)
Man: Boy, it sure is hot down here.
Man: You know, if you undo the buttons on that sweater you'll get more circulation. Just saying.
Man: You don't have to be embarrassed. It's not like I haven't seen boobs before.
Man: I'll show myself out. (Man joins Hitler at the social mixer)
Man: Would you like the rest of my freeze dried ice cream?
Man: Suit yourself. How about some Tang?
Man: You wanna join the 600 miles high club?
Man: I'll take that as a maybe. (man tries to enter hypersleep, but accidentally hit's "hyperspace", sending him light years out of his galaxy)
Man: Back on Earth, I was a king.
Man: And I had many beautiful women as mistresses.
Man: What I'm trying to say is that I've pleasured many, and would like to continue to do so.
Man: Oh you frisky minx.
Later, when the Alien sits around with her other Alien friend....
Alien friend: So you ate him?
Alien friend: Does any man?
Man: I'll see myself out. (Man Rollerblades away)
AIRPLANE
Man: You can lean over me if you want to see out the window.
Woman: (blank stare)
Man: Are you going to eat your peanuts?
Woman: (puts headphones on)
Man: I'm a tad nippy, could I borrow some of your blanket?
Woman: (ignores)
Man: You know, what happens under the blanket STAYS under the blanket.
Woman: (death stare)
Man: I'll show myself out. (Man jumps out of plane)
HELL
Man: Boy, it sure is hot down here.
Woman: (silently burns)
Man: You know, if you undo the buttons on that sweater you'll get more circulation. Just saying.
Woman: (not amused)
Man: You don't have to be embarrassed. It's not like I haven't seen boobs before.
Woman: (curses man with demonic incantation)
Man: I'll show myself out. (Man joins Hitler at the social mixer)
SPACE
Man: Would you like the rest of my freeze dried ice cream?
Woman: (stares out at the vast emptiness of space)
Man: Suit yourself. How about some Tang?
Woman: (adjusts the compression in her space suit)
Man: You wanna join the 600 miles high club?
Woman: (enters hypersleep in defiance)
Man: I'll take that as a maybe. (man tries to enter hypersleep, but accidentally hit's "hyperspace", sending him light years out of his galaxy)
XENON 9
Man: Back on Earth, I was a king.
Alien: (indecipherable Alien gibberish)
Man: And I had many beautiful women as mistresses.
Alien: (drools)
Man: What I'm trying to say is that I've pleasured many, and would like to continue to do so.
Alien: (covers man in bile shot from its tentacle)
Man: Oh you frisky minx.
Alien: (eats man)
Later, when the Alien sits around with her other Alien friend....
Alien friend: So you ate him?
Alien: Yeah, but he didn't go down well.
Alien friend: Does any man?
Alien: Oh, you are TOO MUCH!
(the aliens toast their martinis)
PRODUCED BY PETER ENGEL
1 comment:
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
That.
Is.
Hilarious.
Post a Comment